Why Family Constellations Fail

How can your family tree help you

Natalia Costa


Pic from Pixabay.

Some people talk about family constellations as if they had miraculously changed their lives, while others literally swear that it hasn’t helped them at all. So, which one is it? Can family constellations help or not?

With the increasing interest and spotlight on the subject, let’s take a closer look!

What are family constellations?

Family Constellations, also known as Systemic Constellations, is a therapeutic method that brings elements of family system therapy. It is a short therapy usually done in a single session revealing the unseen dynamic that spans multiple generations in a given family.

Those dynamics are usually the basis for the patterns we observe in our lives. The ability to see and accept them expands awareness and, therefore, creates the basis for change.

There are three principles governing systemic systems:

1 — Belonging

Everyone belongs. There is not one single person who isn’t a part of the clan. The person may not know who his or her parents were, but everyone has a mother and a father. Regardless of what someone might have done or been, each member of the system belongs to the clan.

2 — Hierarchy

There is an order. The father is the father, the mother is the mother, the first child is the first one, the second child is the second one, and so forth. No one is more important than the other, but there is a natural order. The father can’t be the mother and the mother can’t be the father, just like the second child can’t take the place of the first one and vice-versa. Each member of the system has his/her own place.

3 — Balance

The balance between giving and receiving is of utmost importance to keep the system in harmony. When someone gives more than he/she receives, that person is putting himself or herself as bigger than the other one. And the system will naturally find its balance again. The tricky thing about this part is that people are often unaware of this balance, or they may keep unconsciously breaking it (repeating family patterns that exist in them at a cellular…



Natalia Costa

Human being 🐒 Engineer by day, Poet by night ☯️ Writing about emotional intelligence A.K.A. applied quantum physics. ♡ www.SkinAtHeart.com